Logs and Shanties

[INTRO] Yeah this one right here goes out to all the crew-ers,
skippers, skippers, commies, commie commies,

[CHORUS]
I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make that risky gybe
I apologise a trillion times

I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologise a trillion times

[VERSE]
My skippers crazy commie don't like me,
she be doing things like having the boys Bure to Violet tryin' to fight me,
She needs to get a piece of our dessert and take a bite out,
Its my night boat and at ten-thirty I'll have the light out!
And let her know Wood Violet is a sailboat not a pussy cat,
Rowing boats, dinghy boats, Keel Yachts - I sail that!
I love the commie and everything,
but I ain't the one who gybed round,
peak down,
she wanna rig you up to start a risk assessment war,
My Lawyers duck down.
Man! You never got a chance to hear my side of the story
We was divided,
She had fish, fries, sausage for my ships crew - I ain't invited
Despite it,
I show her the utmost respect when I sail through,
all you do is defend that lady when I call you...
Yeah!

[CHORUS]
I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make that risky gybe
I apologise a trillion times

I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologise a trillion times

[REFRAIN]
Me and your daughter,
got a special thang goin' on.
You say its puppy love,
we say its full grown.

[VERSE]
You can plan a pretty cruise but you can't predict the weather,
Ms Paterson, ten times out of nine, now if I'm lyin
fine' the quickest boat, throw it my way and I'll decline,
King meets queen, then dangerous gybe,
Dream together 'bout that broad with the wind-on- that doesn't rhyme!
I hope we feel like this for ever, forever, ever forever ever?
Forever never seems that long until you're grown and notice,
that the sinking-time-cruiser's days can't be too long.
Ms Paterson my intentions were good,
I wish I could,
become an instructor to Abracadabra all the finer points of sail,
unleash the inner male, inner male.
Asking what happened to the sailing that her and me had,
I pray so much about it,
I need some knee pads!
It happened for a reason, one can't be mad,
so know this, know that there aren't any barriers,
And Yes, I will be present on the first day of Harriers,
and at the reunion...

[CHORUS]
I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make that risky gybe
I apologise a trillion times

I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologise a trillion times

[VERSE]
Uh huh... yeah.
"Look at the way he treats me"
Mate! Look at the way you treat me,
you see your little nosy skippers done.
Got your boat sent up the creek, G, without a paddle,
you left to straddle,
and quant this thing on out.
Now you and my Skip' ain't talking no more
'cause the cake all in her mouth - knah'mtalkinabout?
Cruising, losing, writing, with the mossies all biting,
in the end to the same G they be the same thing
So who you keep placing the blame on?
You keep singing the same old songs,
let bygones be bygones,
you can go on, get the kettle on,
you and your commie.

[CHORUS]
I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make that risky gybe
I apologise a trillion times

I'm Sorry Ms Paterson [oooh]
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologise a trillion times

Once upon a time there was a commy called Lindarella. All poor Lindarella wanted to do was to go sailing but her ugly skippers worked her so hard that she never got a chance. "Get my boat" "Find me a crew" "Buy my food" they would order, so all year round poor Lindarella worked away keeping her ugly skippers happy.

One day Lindarella sighed and turned to her best friend Brainy Brian. "I wish I could go for a sail" she said, "even a Martham boat would do!" Brainy Brian wracked his brains but he couldn't think of a way to make Lindarella's dream come true.

The next morning there was great excitement. SU had sent out an invitation for people to run Harriers. "I would love to do that!" cried Lindarella, but the ugly skippers just laughed. "Why, you haven't even got a boat, let alone a crew!" Lindarella was disappointed but packed the skippers' things and sent them off to Hunter's Yard, then sat down with Brainy Brian for a nice cup of tea. All of a sudden there was a flash of light and a bang and a hairy Godfather appeared. "Don't worry Lindarella, you shall go to the cruise. He waved his magic hooter and in a flash they were on board Bure Classic. "Be sure to moor up by 5.30pm" said the hairy Godfather, "else your yacht will turn into a zit!" and with that he disappeared.

All afternoon Lindarella and Brainy Brian sailed, weaving in and out of the Wood Boats. But as the afternoon passed, they realised with a jolt that they could not make it down Womack Dyke before the clock struck 5.30pm. As quickly as it had appeared Bure Classic disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Lindarella and Brainy Brian found themselves chugging along in a little plastic zit. Too embarrassed to join the rest of the cruise, they motored to Potter and slunk off home, dreams of Harriers shattered. But no, the cry went up, who has the commy's horn? None of the ugly skippers could find it. Finally, Lindarella returned, blowing her hooter as she went. Bure Classic re-appeared and all the ugly skippers cheered their true commy. And they all sailed happily ever after.

Sunday morning Helen, our sailing instructor, said "make a log of all your near misses." Now there was a challenge! I presume she will award points and prizes for the best log? (ie. The most near misses) My crew for the morning Rachel and James were up for the challenge. Rachel had the first go at a near miss - on leaving Womack Dyke our boom passed within inches of a cruiser driver, and a few minutes later another cruiser was seen worriedly reversing into a bank. James was apparently working on the method of starting small and building up to the larger scoring near misses. Having not impressed us with his nearly miss of several fishing lines, the odd tree and Japonica 3, he decided to go for something bigger. Unfortunately he didn't miss - the mud that is! We were well and truly stationary. This in itself wasn't very exciting so we called a cruiser over - luring it closer and closer with cries of helplessness and then, oh dear, a quick push from our bows and it too was stuck in the mud! With much revving of engines it got itself off, but returned a second and a third time - each scoring well on the near miss register. In the end we gave in and let him pull us off.

Today's challenge was issued by Linda - practise different manouvres and the various points of sailing. Chris practised the latter first - all the points of sailing between vertical and horizontal! We did the usual manouvres - mob, lying to and tight circles, then decided to be more inventive. We practiced the pick the bucket and buoy up on your keel manouvre - very successful. It took a good 10mins to release itself. Then of course there was the "give Mark a shower" manouvre. Chris and I were both quite successful at this. And then to dip the end of the boom in the water manouvre - it took us many tries to perfect! I drew the line when Chris suggested practising capsizing - "But I know how to do a dry capsize" he pleaded! Now somehow or other the idea of capsizing Buff Tip and staying dry just didn't seem compatible. So I gave him the greater challenge of keeping the boat sufficiently upright and steady so the skipper could pour and drink a mug of tea. And I'm pleased to say he passed with flying colours!